My Favorite BBS Taglines

Y'Know, those witty message-ending one-liners :)

I've removed the ones that don't make any sense out of context, and hopefully left the wittier ones. :) The first several dozen are some of the "stock" ones included with various BBS offline reader programs, but later on the taglines I wrote (and shamelessly stole) appear. :) There are bound to be some duplicates despite my checking. Enjoy! And if some of these don't make sense to you (and unless you live in my head, I can guarantee that some won't), feel free to ask me. :)

Nothing is so smiple that it can't get screwed up.
If this were an actual tagline, it would be funny.
Unable to locate Coffee -- Operator Halted!
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit
We all live in a yellow subroutine.
On a clear disk you can seek forever
All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
Back Up My Hard Drive? I Can't Find The Reverse Switch!
This tagline is umop apisdn
I don't NEED Robocomm! ... I'm up at 4:00 am
Remind me again how lucky I am to work here
Federal Law prohibits the removal of this tagline
Procrastination Day Has Been Postponed!
Uncontained entropy experiment gone crazy.......maybe.
Humpty Dumpty was pushed! Well, I saw it on X-Files....
Kill them all! .... Let God sort them out.
IBM = Institute of Black Magic
Taglines: the toilet-stall walls of BBSdom.
Talk is cheap -- supply exceeds demand!
Lye, Cheetham, and Steele: Attorneys at Law
A message from Dewey, Cheatham and Howe, PC
53.7% of all statistics are totally incorrect
Excuse my driving ... I'm trying to reload.
Armadillo: A mouse built to government specs.
Mason-Dixon Line n. Separates y'all from youse guys
The best way to accelerate a Mac is at -32.2 ft/s.
PRESS To test. <click> RELEASE to detonate.
Remember when safe sex was not getting caught in the act?
Sir! Romulan Warbird decloaking2O:b NO CARRIER
Basic Flying Rule #1: Keep the pointy end forward.
Sir! Jem'ha'dar warship approachin-- ^{+Kx NO CARRIER
Forget 0 to 60. It's 95 to 55 that counts!
Your E-mail has been returned due to insufficient voltage
Strip mining prevents forest fires.
The 4 major food groups: fast, frozen, junk, & spoiled.
(a) Fast, (b) Reliable, (c) Inexpensive - Pick Two.
OS/2 VirusScan - "Windows found: Remove it? [Y/y]"
The four snack groups: cakes, crunchies, frozen and sweets.
Sushi: known to the rest of the world as 'Bait'
Beware programmers carrying screwdrivers.
SHOCKING TRUTH: 50% of all people are below average....
...gnorw og... gnorw og... gnorw og nac gnihton
If you trade freedom for security, you get neither.
It it ain't broke, let me have a shot at it.
That which does not kill us strengthens us.
There are no answers, only cross-references.
If it ain't water-cooled... it's a terminal!
Arkansas figured out a way to get rid of Billy-Jeff.
!enilgat cinataS !eraweB
"La Quinta." Spanish for "Next to Denny's."
A penny saved is a Congressional oversight.
Optimist: A Yugo owner with a trailer hitch!
Engineers: often wrong, seldom in doubt.
I wish Noah had swatted those two mosquitoes.....
Save the whales.... Collect the entire set!
None of you exist. The sysop types it all in...
Whips & chains? Sorry, that's a hardware problem!
No viruses detected. Must be a pair of Nanites.
In plumbing, a straight flush is better than a full house
What's a 6.9? 69 interrupted by a period.
The backup's not over 'til the FAT table sings.
Are you a Klingon, or is that a turtle on your head?
No Purchase Required. Details in package.
Thesaurus: prehistoric reptile with a great vocabulary.
Mistress - something between a mister and a mattress.
One good turn gets all the blankets.
ASCII stupid question - get a stupid ANSI
Okay, I pulled the pin. Now what? Where are you going?
Stick em up! <BANG> Okay.... DON'T stick em' up!
He's dead Jim. Grab his tricorder. I'll get his wallet.
He does the work of 3 men.... Larry Moe & Curly.
Anything good is either illegal, immoral or fattening.
Catastrophe n. an award for the cat with the nicest buns
Light at end of tunnel temporarily out of order.
Sir! Romulan Warbird decloaking off th #%NO CARRIER
EBCDIC: Erase Backup Chew Disk Ignite Cards
Docs? Why look at the Docs? Nurses are better.
Tagline dispenser temporarily out of order.
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
We're lost, yes.....but we're making good time.
How do they get Teflon to stick to the pans?
clap on (CLAP!CLAP!) clap off (CLAP!) ֬NO CARRIER
User: The hardest-to-setup PC peripheral you can buy.
Psychoceramics: The study of crackpots.
How do you know if you run out of invisible ink?
I'm not tense, just terribly A*L*E*R*T.
Limit Congress to 2 terms: one in office, one in jail!
Windows isn't crippleware: it's "Functionally Challenged"
Keyboard not found. Visualize "F1" to continue.
A KGB keyboard has no ESC key.
A problem can be found for almost every solution.
Golden Rule: He who has the gold makes the rules.
Can you repeat the part after 'Listen very carefully'?
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
A seminar on Time Travel will be held 2 weeks ago....
The bold print giveth and the fine print taketh away.
Shh! Be vewy qwiet! I'm hunting wuntime ewwows!
"Ummm, trouble with grammar have I? Yes!" --Yoda
My other vehicle is a Galaxy Class Starship
WORK HARDER!... Millions on Welfare depend on YOU!
If all appears to go well, you missed something...
Don't be sexist! Chicks hate that.
"I never met a chocolate I didn't like." --Deanna Troi
Did you expect mere proof to sway my opinion?
Behind every good computer - is a jumble of wire.
You're so vain / I bet you think this tagline's about you
STICK \'stik\ n. 1: A somewhat nonfunctional boomerang.
Boss spelled backwards is "double SOB".
Why do we have training bras? What can we teach them?
Artificial intelligence is better than none.
A preposition is what you don't end a sentence with. Um.
Bureaucrats cut red tape--lengthwise.
"And we had to chisel taglines into the walls of the cave...."
It ain't over, but the fat lady is clearing her throat.
Air pollution is a mist demeanor.
Hah! If only BELL knew what I was do2b NO CARRIER
Ultimate office automation: networked coffee machines.
Software Independent: Won't work with ANY software.
I idiot-proof my programs, but along comes a bigger idiot.
Tonight's forecast: Dark, scattered light toward dawn.
Exxon - greasing the coastline for smoother boating!
I'm sure it's clearly explained in the Zmodem docs.
Don't sweat petty things, or pet sweaty things.
I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.
All animals are equal, some more than others.
Politics n. Poly "many" + ticks "blood sucking insects"
War is God's way of teaching us geography.
Make headlines! Use a corduroy pillow.
A paid up computer is, by definition, obsolete.
Mainframe: the biggest PC peripheral you can buy.
Multitasking: When you get the weekend chore list.
Perhaps this situation requires a more Klingon response.
I forget the dream, but I'm missing a pajama button...
This message written with recycled electrons.
Maybe I should cut the power before I-- ZZZAAPPOWWWWWW
Now on CD ROM, classic taglines of the computer era.
If worst comes to worst, you *CAN* turn most things off.
Repartee: An insult wearing a suit and tie.
Never judge a man by his taglines.
Why is the word abbreviation so long?
I'm NOT unemployed. ....I'm a consultant.
The flush toilet is the basis of western civilization.
Remember, to a computer 1 + 1 = 10.
And Homer saith unto them, "D'OH!" -- Bart 17:3
Man who fights with wife all day gets no piece at night.
He who takes credit for rain will be blamed for drought.
Diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
Groundwater. Do you mean crushed ice?
Reward for a job well done: more work.
What goes around usually picks up momentum!
PMS - Periodic Monster Syndrome
"Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy.
And Adam asked, "What's a Headache?"
It's as easy as 3.14159265358979323846...
Working hard to become roadkill on the Infobahn.
Man, that lightning sounds clos~ NO CARRIER
The only good MAC is a Big Mac.
Blessed are the censors; they shall inhibit the earth.
My computer NEVER locks u NO CARRIER
If it's Tourist Season, howcum we can't shoot 'em, Pa?
Who is General Failure, and why is he reading my disk?!
Been there, done that, got the T-shirt.
ETHERNET - A device for catching the ether bunny.
Monday is a hard way to spend 1/7 of your life.
sophisticated, adj. deprived of its native simplicity.
How come wrong numbers are never busy???
I'm heavily armed, easily bored, and off my medication.
Don't blame me, I voted Libertarian.
What does "File Allocation Table bad" mean?
All true wisdom is found on T-shirts. --And in taglines.
Desk: A very large wastebasket with drawers.
paranoia: believing this tagline is about you.
Only XT users know that January 1, 1980 was a Tuesday.
Shin n. device for finding furniture in the dark.
I'm a master of Kungfu, Tofu, Snafu...and plain foo.
I have a speech impediment ... my foot.
Never test for an error you don't know how to handle.
Why did CNN cancel that cool "Desert Storm" show?
Contraceptives: use 'em on all conceivable occasions.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
Tip: Never take a beer to a job interview.
A part of the 57% that -didn't- vote for Clinton. Twice.
Op'ti-mism n. 1. A Yugo with a trailer hitch
Press any key to continue. No, not THAT one!
Behind every great computer lies... a mess of wires!
I am Popeye of Borg. Prepare to be askimilgrated.
Overdrawn? No way! I still have checks left!
Photons have mass? I didn't know they were Catholic...
Trespassers will be shot, survivors will be shot again!
Answers: $1 Correct answers: $5 Dumb looks: Free!
Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet.
Mind like a steel trap - rusted shut!
I used to have a life, now I have a modem.
Tinnn Rooooooooof! --Rusted!
AAAAA - American Association Against Acronym Abuse
thk  HV pRBlMs mRPH LvS WTH M
Keep repeating: It's only four more years......
Ever notice we park in driveways and drive on parkways?
OPCODE: MWAG = Make Wild-Assed Guess
Profanity, the language of computer professionals
Who do you have to sleep with to get service around here?
Halloween is *not* Christmas, even though 31 oct = 25 dec
Pentium Myth #1: The computer only does what you tell it.
Gotta run, the cat's caught in the printer.
Socrates: "I drank WHAT?!"
Money is the Root of All Evil. For more info, send $10.
Tact is for weenies.
In Stereo where available. .elbaliava erehw oeretS nI
Midget soothsayer robs bank! Small medium at large....
Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are.
First Rule of Intelligent Tinkering - Save all parts
What's another word for Thesaurus?
"At last I'm organized," he sighed, and died.
Don't worry, I'm gong t bckup td!&#~
I'm just here for moral support... please ignore the gun.
Have a (cute) electrician check your shorts.
This just in: Research causes cancer in rats!
Speed doesn't kill. Stopping very fast kills.
Adolescence - the time between puberty and adultery.
Objects in taglines are closer than they appear.
Do I straddle the fence on issues? Well, yes and no....
You could be reading the next message by now.
Hold on! Doesn't NT mean NinTendo ?
Basic programmers never die, they gosub and don't return
# of Vulcans needed to replace a bulb? Precisely 1.000
Veni, Vidi, Velcro. (I came, I saw, I stuck around)
Veni, Vidi, Visa. (I came, I saw, I charged it.)
Do unto others BEFORE they do unto YOU.
Energize! said Picard....and this pink bunny appeared...
I can keep a secret, it's the people I tell who can't.
Can bankers count? Eight windows and only four tellers?
Tweety of Borg: I tawt I attimilated a Puddy Tat!
I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
Reality-ometer: [\........] Hmmph! Thought so...
How do they get the deer to cross at the signs?
Computers make very fast, very efficient mistakes.
My wife made me join a bridge club...I jump next week.
True Multitasking = 3 PCs and a chair with wheels!
I'm dangerous when I know what I'm doing.
*/ --Tribble with a lightsaber
ADVENTURE: The land between entertainment and panic.
Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you.
Ethernet: A device to catch the Ether Bunny.
SYSOP (sih' sawp) n. The guy laughing at your typing.
"I'm sick! I ought to be home in bed with a nurse."
I got everything but the part after "Now listen closely."
Yes, you're right. Unfortunately, I don't really care.
Florida bumper sticker: DON'T SHOOT! I'M LOCAL!
Florida: when we say, "DUCK!", we don't mean Donald.
No way I'm going to use an offline reader! Well, okay.
We aren't surrounded. We're in a target-rich environment.
Be it my way.
Rate yourself as a programmer on a scale of 0 to F.
Cats remind us that not everything in Nature has purpose.
He who laughs last...had to have it explained.
Never check for an error you don't know how to handle.
As confused as a baby at a topless bar.
!edis gnorw eht morf siht ta gnikool era uoY
Life would be much easier if I had the source code.
Confidence is important; the computer can sense fear.
Sheesh! You start havin' fun, and they send the lawyers!
PCMCIA = People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
Suicidal dyslexic jumps behind train - film at 11
"Heh, heh, 2400 baud connects suck!" -- V.bis & Baudhead
I don't have a solution, but I do admire the problem.
Mistress: halfway between a mister and a mattress.
Ensign Pillsbury? He's BREAD, Jim......
alnal nathrak uth vaas bethud dothiel dienve
Ensign Walnut approaches Dr. Crusher with caution....
Beware Romulans baring GIFs.
 My mind is not for rent / To any god or government 
My other computer runs the Enterprise.
Quark the Ferengi. Perot the Texan. Separated at birth?
Gender: ___ Male ___ Female _X_ Wraeththu
Who is John Galt?
Vanyel Ashkevon, Tylendel and Stefen, r.i.p.
Visit Scenic Melnibon
Think of it as evolution in action.
"I'd like to buy a schwa, Pat."
If you believe in telekinesis, please raise my hand.
 Lifting Shadows Off a Dream 
Have an adequate day.
Free the Bound Periodicals!
Never mind the star, get those camels off my lawn!
Do not make whisky in private, or water in public.
Do ministers do more than lay people?
Beer: So much more than a breakfast drink.
Dj Moo: the feeling you have heard this bull before.
Don't be sexist. Broads hate that.
 Love is the dance of eternity 
DEL *.* How DARE you erase my tribbles!
You are now entering a School Free Drug Zone.
This is a School-Free Drug Zone.
A Crucifix? Oy vey, have YOU got the wrong vampire...
Those who live by the sword... kill those who don't.
5 billion years the earth takes to form, and we get THIS?
Two silkworms were having a race, but it ended in a tie.
So many books; So little time.
Farewell, friend. I was 1000 times more evil than thou.
IF numcooks > .maxcooks THEN;SET V broth = 'spoiled';END
Love me tender / love me sweet / push me out at 12,000 ft
White dwarf seeks red giant for binary relationship
Phone Farr: the Vulcan 900 number for phone sex
Eschew Obfuscation!
Four snack groups: frozen, crunchies, cakes and sweets.
Blesss usss and splassh us, taglinesss for my preciousss
Once again, Odo wins the Twister championship.
Peter Steele and Armand, vampire -- separated at birth?
 Look in the mirror, my friend.... 
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
/////////// POLICE TAGLINE - DO NOT CROSS \\\\\\\\\\\\\
Why yes, I -do- work for a unit of the Illuminati.
Number 6 of Borg - Why I resigned is irrelevant.
"Silence. Music's original alternative. Roots-grunge!"
Acid bath? You're soaking in it...
A man attempting to walk around the world DROWNED today..
Aibohphobia, n. -- the fear of palindromes.
Sorcerer parking only. Violators will be toad.
"She's dead, Jim. Still warm, though. Flip ya for her?"
"Bother," said Pooh, as he torched the forest.....
WOW!... Short runway...but look how WIDE it is!!!
!enilgat cinataS !eraweB
O_O O_O (_) --Mickey & Minnie meet Satan.
I'll have one brain on drugs with bacon, toast and juice.
Misspelled? Impossible. My modem is error correcting.
Squirt guns don't soak people, People soak people.
I am Drunk of Borg. Resistance is floor tile!
Hmmm, fence must still be down over at the funny farm....
MilliHelen: Amount of beauty needed to launch one ship.
Yea, I'm a pacifist. Wanna make somethin' of it, bub?
"It's Ensign Polo. He's thread, Jim!"
I'm! A! Graduate! Of! The! Bill! Shatner! Acting! School!
Have you seen Quasimodo? I had a hunch he was back.
Dijon vu: The feeling you've tasted this mustard before
Acid absorbs 10 times its weight in excess reality.
Life's essentials: H O C N Ca P Cl K S Na Mg
The Bagginses, they steals our taglines, precioussss ....
69, 714, 2112 Sex, drugs, rock'n'roll
Explosion at the Mint. Change in staff.
Justice is lost, Justice is raped, Justice is gone.
I'm NOT "white," I'm "melanin-challenged."
It's a cookbook! It's a cookbook!
You're so vain / I bet you think this tagline's about you
"Never repeat codes," said the telegrapher remorselessly.
"My arm!", said Captain Hook offhandedly.
9 out of 10 men who try camels prefer women.
Now it's dark.
He's dim, Jed.
We now return to your previously-scheduled topics.
Governments absorb 100x their weight in excess liberties.
A crucifix? Oy vey, have you got the wrong vampire!
...Jupiter, Uranus, Neptune, Pluto, Mickey, Goofey...
"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam up my clothes."
"Oh, Rick, you'll have to think for BOTH of us!"
"Bother," said Pooh, as he bounced off the Starfury.
LSD: Virtual Reality without all the fancy hardware
Copper wire was invented by lawyers arguing over a penny.
What happens when you get scared half to death.....twice?
BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)
Math problems? Call 1-800-10x*(24y-3z^2)-(4y^2+10x^2)
He's not dead,he's electroencephalographically challenged
Hell is full. The damned are now in Tech Support.
I shook my family tree and a bunch of nuts fell out.
Now, witness the power of this fully OPERATIONAL tagline!
I before E except after C, huh? Weird.....
Stewardess trainee: "Where does THIS door gooooooooooooo...."

...And there you have 'em. :)

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