You Might Be A Rennie If....
Compiled By Paul W. Cashman and Other Rennies
Last Revised November 10th, 2004
You just might be a Rennie if.....
- ...your boots cost more than your car
- ...your gun-rack holds swords
- ...where your hair ends -- your tail begins!
- ...your boyfriend's skirt is shorter than yours
- ...your boyfriend wears tights...and you don't shave your legs
- ...you play poker with Tarot cards
- ...you've ever had to list your occupation as "juggler"
- ...a codpiece is not something you scarfed down for dinner
- ...you dont understand why EVERY liquor store doesn't sell mead
- ...you can change out of full Elizabethan garb...while driving!
- ...you've had to bathe in the sink at a convenience store, a Wal-Mart, a gas station, etc.
- ...you know what "beer-thirty" is
- ...on Sundays, you laugh at all the people waiting in line for beer -before- beer-thirty
- ...the thought of eating turkey legs scares the hell out of you
- ...YOU know -why- the thought of eating turkey legs should scare the hell out of ANYONE
- ...your breasts are used as a wallet or a change purse (you're probably a wench, too, if you answer "yes" to this one)
- ...you hear the Tortuga Twins are coming to town and you hide any female children you have
- ...you have at least three escape plans should your parents choose to come between you and the Tortuga Twins...or any other quality role models
- ...you know more than five people with names like Bear or Wolf or Tree or Fish or Slayer or Nova or....
- ...your make-up kit consists of tooth-black...and some mud
- ...more people know you by your Faire name than the name on your driver's license
- ...if your Faire name eventually got PUT on your drivers license, there is no "might", you ARE a Rennie
- ...you've ever had to delay putting gas in your car because you forgot to stop at that "cool" gas station by the Faire-site and, damnit, you're still in garb!
- ...you've ever had to list "Olde English" as a second language
- ...your kids recognize Arthur and Merlyn before they recognize the Cat In the Hat
- ...your wedding party contains knights, monks, ladies in waiting, and guardsmen instead of groomsmen
- ...you drive more than two hundred miles to go to the Faire
- ...when talking to friends your conversations often start with "And this one time, at the faire...."
- ...you have enough edged weaponry in your house to make even your brother drool
- ...you have corrected your history teacher more than once in the day's class...and she's turning this funny shade of red
- ...you constantly check your favorite faire's webcam, just to see what the weather is looking like there, even if its the middle of the week (and yes, TRF does have such a webcam)
- ...your divorce decree lists the Ren Faire as settlement property (mind you, it'd be kinda cool to -own- a Faire.....)
- ...you own more garb than street clothes
- ...you've ever had to describe the place you've been living as "The blue tent/RV/camper/car at the end of the second row, by the privies and the shower"
- ...you can watch period movies and pick out all the social and costume screw-ups ("That's not English! It's Prussian!")
- ...you've ever been properly wenched or rougued
- ...you have to get OUT of character
- ...you start wearing garb two weeks before the faire to "get in the mood"
- ...you know why purple is the "forbidden color"
- ...you wear garb year 'round
- ...you know of more faire musicians and musical groups than modern ones
- ...you drop your chocolate-covered cheesecake-on-a-stick in the dirt...and eat it anyway
- ...you know what Faire boogers are (known as "nose goblins" in certain areas)
- ...you have more sharp steel on you than most restaurant kitchens
- ...you have a homcidal urge when someone calls your garb "a cute costume"
- ...you have tried to teach yourself to open a Guinness with a sword
- ...you have SUCCEEDED in opening a Guiness with a sword
- ...you can undo a bodice faster than you can tie a pair of sneakers
- ...you beam with pride when you take your children to a ballgame and they yell "Huzzah!" when a home run is hit
- ...you buy a new shirt at the mall and decide you want to wear it, and belatedly remember that you should use somewhere else besides the parking lot to change into it
- ...you look at furniture and your first thought isn't "How will this look in my house," but "Wow! That fabric would be great as a bodice or doublet!"
- ...you're at a bar, the band is taking requests and they don't know Wild Mountain Thyme or The Mermaid Song...and look at you strangely for asking
- ...you spend more on garb then you do your work attire
- (Wait a minute, your garb IS your work-attire! Next!)
- ...you go shopping for 'danes and find more things to either wear around your belt, or blouses that will double as chemises
- ...you buy a camera bag for your digital camera that matches your garb and has a belt loop (NOTE: this is -not- easy)
- ...you've done live steel in Parking Lot Two (for older NYRF Rennies)
- ...you still say "Thank thee" and "Anon" six months after Faire-closing
- (The following were submitted by Stacey Baker, aka "Justine Credible," from Bristol Faire)
- ...you know five spellings for Kock, Kooke, Coke, Cooke, Kocke and pronounce them all the same
- ...you call your bathroom at home a "pryvie"
- ...you know the best herbal ways to ward off mosquitos, bees, heat...etc and all of them come from Kamala
- ...you go to an office party and bring your own Cider
- ...you spend your summer sleeping with a 2x4 no more than six inches from your head (anyone on cast who has "housing")
- ...you crave Cashew Chili in the middle of winter and know you can only get it at the "Duck" (Bristol Cast members know why)
- ...you realize you own more stockings and tights then socks
- ...you wear your "faire" shoes for your orchestra concert and never notice that they're still covered in "faire dirt."
- ...you carry your cello, violin, or other instruments in brocade or felted bags.
- ...you can name five uses for a quiver...other than carrying arrows
- ...on New Years Eve you sing Aulde Lang Syne with a slightly off tune
- ...when on a road trip with your family you sing Faire tunes, instead of the standard "road tunes" and your "take-along-a-friend" guest looks completely mystified.
- ...you teach all your friends at school the words to the Mermaid Song, Parting Glass, Nonesuch and Spanish Ladies.
- ...you sang along to Spanish Ladies in the theater while watching Pirates of the Caribbean, with all your faire friends singing along next to you...which immediately got you all thrown out!!!
- ...you go to the club and know more Elizabethan dance steps than modern ones.
- ...you use your faire name as your online persona
- ...you have something good to add to a "You Might Be A Rennie If..." list :)
- Your addition could go here -- e-mail me with your suggestions!
- Lady Eionah Dannagher
- Cara O'Neil (aka Michala Walpole Meckley)
- Delilah (a KCRF wench)
- Admiral DeSuave Alimara Cristo aka The Rampant Wolverine (NYRF)
- Stacey Baker (aka Justine Credible) from Bristol Faire
- and others....
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